ok. Time really flies.
i just realized that my last post was two years ago...
Well, i guess no one will look at this blog anymore...
So i'll just rant here...
kinda emo lately.
thinking about the choices and experiences in my life so far.

what if i went to pri sch A (which is more reputable) instead of pri sch B?
would i have ended up in a better secondary school?

what if i had chosen another subject combination in sec 3 instead of triple science?
would i have done better in O levels and went into a better JC?

what if i had tried to appeal to JC A instead of other JCs?
Would i have a better school life in that JC?

what if i had chosen another subject combination in JC?
would i have managed my studies better and meet friends who are of similar personality as me?

I guess these few weeks must be one of the nadirs in my life.
Lately, i seemed to be distancing further from friend A. And i hate this feeling.
She seems to be closer to another friend. Call me possessive.
But i realised i am one who treasures and needs friends a lot.
There are a few times i wanted to contact her and call her out.
But i can't seem to get the courage to do so.
thought of a few opportunities, but really didn't have the courage...
this is bad. i really don't want to lose this friendship.
we used to be really close friends. this sudden distancing is making me uncomfortable.
Why?!? Why is this happening to me?
Furthermore, i'm a shy person in nature... this makes things worse.

Hope things will get better soon...
really hate this awkwardness...

It's 2010. Wow.
While everyone else welcomes the new year happily and excitedly,
watching the fireworks which sparks hope in their hearts for a better year,
I stood at my window, watching the fireworks, feeling stressed.
The fireworks seem to be sparking more fear and stress into me as
the major exams starts to loom nearer.

Time really flies.
Three moments ago, I just completed PSLE and entered the sch happily.
Two moments ago, I was sitting for the streaming exams to put us in sec 3 classes.
One moment ago, I was freaking out for exams and o level chi and stuff.
And FLASH!
Here it comes. The moment.
In another split sec, I'll find myself in the hall, taking the major exam.
It really freaks me out. Time realy passes so fast.

Three moments ago, I was having an audition to get into the CCA i look forward to join.
Two moments ago, I polished my skills through many songs and had many performances.
One moment ago, I took part in SYF with my CCA-mates, and cried with them over the results.
And FLASH!
A split sec ago, I started leading the ensemble.
Cautious in every step, oping not to make any mistake.
In another split sec, I'll be auditioning the younger juniors, and recruiting them into the ensemble. Hoping that they will do well in the ensemble.
In another moments time, it'll be time for me to retire and pass the baton to the next batch. Even if I could not bear to leave, I have to hand over the responsibilities and hope that they will bring the ensemble to greater heights.

Time really flies.
Life is like a roller coaster ride.
There are ups and downs,
accelerations and deccelearations.
It starts slow at the beginning.
When we were young, time seems to pass so slowly.
After kindergarten lessons, we'll just watch sesame street or smth and play around while the clock ticks away. Or we'll even go to sleep just to "make" time pass faster! LOL.
In pri sch, as exams starts to appear in our life and CCAs start to take our afternoons,
time seems to pass slightly faster. Then here comes PSLE, instensive revision everyday seem to be draining us out and time passes even faster.
In sec sch, time slows down a little in sec 1 as we had "honeymoon" period,
trying to adapt into the new sch. As we go on to sec 2 and even upper sec,
time starts to fly, seeming to accelerate everyday.
Everyday passes so quickly. Esp sch days. Typical sch day.
Wake up early in the morning. Go to sch. Have lessons.
Lunch. CCA. Tuition. Go home. Do homework. Revise a little. Sleep.
and the cycle repeats. See how fast time goes by.
But pls do not accelerate too much.
I can't take roller coaster rides. I'll just puke.

It seems that time is really moving so fast.
So fast that i almost can't catch up.
Everyday is hectic. Even during sch holidays. (It ends today... Sobs...)
Handling sch work. Tuition stuff. Leadership roles.
Everything's moving really fast.
And it seems like it'll never end.
I'm really out of breath. Can i just stop for a while to catch my breath?
Pls wait for me. Let me catch my breath so i can go even further.

The battle is about to begin.
But i don't think i'm ready to go for it.
I didn't even had a chance to catch my breath or recharge during the hols.
Sighs... Ok.
I'll just work really hard for this moments i have on hand.
Hopefully, I won't freak out as much on the day of the exams itself...
I can do it! I hope...

At The Peak. Bird eye's view!!!

Snoopy world!

I like this one. the sign is so cute. refer to theng hiang lah, the "children" haha.

Beautiful flowers! :D

Balloons!!! Taken at disneyland. I want all those balloons!!!

Princess castle! :)

Okay. That's all the pics for now.

Will put up more the next time...

Bye...

Why? Why is this happening?
I just went through the horrible ordeal 2 years ago...
and i'm about to experience it again in 2 or 3 years later...
and it'll be even worse. even more pain.

Why?
I'm so afraid.
I don't want to go through it again.
NO!!! NO!!! NO!!!
What's the problem with me?
Why is it like that?

I'm really really scared.
It's more serious.
I don't want to go through it.
This is so scary.
I really hope it isn't true.
But this is reality.

~Afraid and scared...

I'm back. Again. Haha.
Just suddenly got the urge to blog.

Yesterday, my mum asked me if i want to carry on,
taking diploma for piano.
I was like, huh?
I have to take if i want to carry on taking O level music.

Speaking about that,
I'm not sure if i should carry on taking O level music.
It's like, i barely passed the 1st and 2nd term,
and even failed the 3rd term! Argh!
EOY music is still ok.
I was quite shocked when i saw the results.
Was like, is this really my result.
I think i just happen to get that mark by chance or smth.

I don't really think i'm talented in music.
My mum told me that she heard that
most people will go to NAFA after grade 8.
They'll go through an audition and if they pass,
they get to learn diploma.
But isn't NAFA for those people who want to
speciallise in music? And love music?
I mean, i love music.
But i don't think i'm talented enough to get in.
I told my mum,
i would most probably not pass the audition if i go for it.
She told me not to think so lowly of myself.
But i seriously think that i'm not good
and not talented in this area.
SO why would i even do well in this area?

I'm really in a dilemma.
Should i continue taking O level music?
Today, tr told us real life stories.
Whereby some students break down just months before Os.
And they can't remember anything even basic concepts!
Mental breakdown!
AH!!! I scared that will happen to me!
Tr say this yr,
a 4A1 girl, who always top maths or smth,
she broke down and couldn't rmb any concepts.
OMG. I hope that won't happen.
It's really bad.

Anyways, back to O level music.
I'm scared that i won't have time to practice the piano.
I'm seriously depending a lot on my practical
cos my theory really sucks.
Esp composing.
The listening part is still ok.
And there's a still a lit. part for music which we haven't learn.
And hello?
I don't take lit! I don't understand lit!!! Oh no!!!
How??? How???
I'm afraid that i cannot cope.
It's an extra subject.
I still have 8 other subjects to cope with.
And other responsibilities to carry.
Eg. Senior peer lite...

WIll i be able to cope well?
Will i do well in the subject?
Should i continue taking the subject?
I'm really lost and confused...

Back from Peer lite training camp!!! :)
Had fun and i wanna go back.
Didn't want it to end...
Time really flies.
Maybe cos i was doing so many things,
handling so many stuff during the camp that's why it seems to past so fast. Haha.

The camp went quite well i guess.
The juniors were great.
Log stuff were proper and prepared,
except for some hic cups along the way.
Yea. I must be more careful the next year for the refreshers course.
But for now, i must concentrate on my o levels, which is,
omg. The day after tomorrow!!! (sound like the movie... haha...)

Anyway, here's my thoughts and feelings after the camp.

What I've learnt
- I felt great that we've shown the ropes to the juniors taking over us.
(oh mans... we're old... sad that we're "retiring"... :( sighs...)
- I think i've learnt more leadership skills.
- I think i've also took another step to become a better leader through this camp
as i took up the role as the logistics committee head. Learnt how to coordinate everyone
and stuff...
- I've learnt how to deal with problems i may face in future. Although my dad helped me
solve it this time, I've learnt from the incident.
-How to manage my time. Had to handle all the log stuff (which is quite a lot) and find time to
study for chinese at the same time.
- Keep calm when facing problems. I was freaking out for the T shirts which was quite last
minute.
- Be more "brave" and talk to strangers without appearing to be scared.
( when finding T shirt suppliers...)

What I can improve on
- Be more efficient
- When sending emails to teachers, try not to send too late, like 10plus pm
- Manage my time better
- Leadership skills
- Speaking in front of a crowd
- Communicate more

Yea. That's all I guess.
Wanna sleep now.
Whole day of Chinese tomorrow.
Wish me good luck for O levels...
I hope that i can do well...

Hey. I'm back. After M-I-A-ing for so long. Haha.
A lot of things are happening recently.
Feeling super tired now, both physically and inside.

Maybe because many things are gonna happen soon.
Handbell performance on 3 Nov, peer lite camp, O levels Chinese, 26 Nov Handbells Christmas performance. Wow. Busy.

Or maybe i've just accepted new roles.
Planning for every single thing and even worrying about it all the time.
Contacting the rest of the team and working together.
Having regular meetings to discuss stuff.

Os are coming and i'm freaking out.
But i can't seem to have enough time to prepare.
CCA the whole week til quite late.
Do Homework to do at night.
Then watch tv for an hour. Sleep super late.
Next day wake up super early.
oh. Speaking about sleeping,
my dad sent me this horoscope thing for 2010.
Haha. The rooster one, which is mine, is shown below...

The Rooster is always popular, extravagant and creative.. They can bebrutally honest and generally like being showered with attention. Theyare wonderfully loyal friends and also give advice freely - whether theyare asked for it or not!Family means the world to the Rooster and they are fiercely loyal to those they care about.Forecast for 2010 The Year of the Tiger will have mixed fortunes for theRooster, but by staying calm, observant and flexible, the Rooster will glide through 2010 coming out much wiser, stronger and with greatsuccess behind him. He will be in much demand for his sage advice andexperience and, at work, this will come to the notice of his employer. Travel features quite strongly with the Rooster seeking out adventure, fun and new places to visit. Aword of caution: all Roosters must ensure that they don't overdo things- exhaustion and a depleted immune system will result if proper restisn't taken. Home life will bring many joys and will be seen as a cosy sanctuary throughout the year.

Interesting Rooster Facts:
Special Flower: AsterBest
Season: Autumn
Horoscope Colors: Orange, Green (omg. of all colours, orange?!?)

Now, in consideration for most of you, dogs, i shall copy paste ur fortune for next year here too. So kind of me. Haha. But pls take note that it's not 100% accurate. (of course... Haha...)

The Dog is wonderfully hard worker, a perfectionist and someone whol oves the small details. He is also a bit anti-social, pessimistic andstubborn. They are one of the most honest and loyal signs of the Chinesezodiac and will always go to bat for a worthy cause. The Dog is a fantastic listener and his advice is usually very intuitive. Forecast for 2010 The Year of the Tiger will be an excellent one for all Dogs with a significant improvement in fortune all year long. They mustleave the past behind, for the Ox year was a challenging one, and look forward with optimism and determination. There will still be challengest his year for the Dog, as for all the signs, and it is important that he talk over any potential problems and worries rather than bottling them up. Socially, this is the Dog's year to shine and many new strong friendships and alliances will be formed. The Year of the Tiger will see increased finances for the Dog with many receiving bonuses or even gifts throughout the year. However, it is important that he takes his time regarding financial matters, checking details and ensuring that he has read all the fine print.

Interesting Dog Facts:
Zodiac Stone: Diamond
Special Flower: Marigold
Season: Autumn
Horoscope Colors: Silver and Red

OKays. That's all for today. Bye.